Ventriloquist

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!” The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little shit on your knee.”

Want me to paint for you?

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.”I’m here for the paint job,” she said.”Alright,” said the man. “Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house.”The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, “I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn’t a porsche out back. It’s a new BMW.

What type of prize did you win?

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, “I won a motor home! I won a motor home!”The waitress runs over and argues, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!”The blonde replies, “No. I won a motor home!”By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, “You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as one of our prizes.”Again the blonde says, “There is no mistake! I won a motor home!” The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, “WIN A BAGEL.”

What’s in the bag?

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says “meow” in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says “woof” in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts “potato” to the officer.

Why are you yelling that?

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “green side up!”In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “green side up!”The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “green side up!”The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?””I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

You’ve got Mail

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: “You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box.”The blonde answered, “No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail.”

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