Police Deptartment

Posted on March 20, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:

Officer: What’s 2 + 2?

Blonde: Ummm… 4!

Officer: What’s the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummm… 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummm… I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

The blonde replies excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!”

Two Russians

Posted on March 14, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

Two Russians enter into a bar. One of them orders:
- Waiter, two hundred of vodka for each!
- Immediately!
After a couple of minutes:
- Waiter, another two hundred of vodka!
- Immediately!
- After one minute:
- Waiter!
- I know, I know! Another two hundred.
- No, no, only two hundred for me. My colleague is with the car.

Mind telling me the Time?

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

BLONDE: “Excuse me, what time is it right now?”
WOMAN: “It’s 11:25PM.”BLONDE: (confused look on face) “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I’ve asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer.”

One Wish to Each

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie’s lamp.After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, “I will grant three wishes, one for each of you.”The first said, “I wish I were smarter.”So, she became a redhead.The second blonde said, “I wish I were smarter than she is.”She became a brunette.The third blond ordered, “I wish I were smarter than both of them!”So, she became a man.

Pillsbury Dough Boy

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

What do you get when you cross the pillsbury douhg boy with a blonde??
A whiney bitch with a yeast infection…

Rowing Your Boat

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”

Shortage of Parachutes

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.The pope told the brunette to take the last one.The brunette said, “There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!”

Slot Machine Winner

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. “Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?”The blonde turns around and says, “Yeah right! I’m not giving up this machine while I’m still winning!”

Blonde Test Taker

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.”I finished the exam in a half hour,” she replies. “Now I’m rechecking my answers.”

Turn back your Car Odometer

Posted on February 25, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.The brunette suggested, “There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it’s not going to be legal.””That doesn’t matter at all,” replied the blonde. “All that matters it that I am able to sell this car.””Alright,” replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be a problem to sell your car.”The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette’s advice.About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, “Did you sell your car?””No!” replied the blonde. “Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it.”

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